I remember...

Hello my family and friends!

Sorry if it seems I have dropped off the earth...I sorta have! Life is keeping me soooo busy right now, but I love it.

I have had a special week. I have had time to reflect on Courtney, her birth, her moment here with us, and her spirit. It has been good, it has been healing. I have decided that this year to commemerate her birth I want to right her story...one of peace, comfort and hope. Those are the words I think of when I think of her. I want to ask you, as my loved ones to write your own stories of how Courtney has touched your lives or the lives of others and email me your story. I am going to make a book, one that I can share with other mothers, friends, family, so they can see what a powerful influence she had in this life. I hope to summit the story I write to the Ensign...I think with a lot of help I can do it!

I had the special opportunity to read my journal that I kept right after Courtney was born. It was a good experience to read. I realized that I was human and did suffer a little more then I remember today ( I have somewhat glorified the whole experience with me being a strong and put together heroine). I would like to share some of my favorite excerpts:

*"They brought her to me all bundled up in blankets and she looked so peaceful. I held her and I loved her and I knew that her spirit was there with me. She was alive those moments that we held and loved her."

*"I love my husband and I am so grateful for him. He has been such a wonderful support to me and he is so thoughtful and so strong. I am so blessed to have him in my life. He is going to teach me a lot. I think he is going to help my understanding and I am so grateful for that. I love him so much and my only desire is to make him as happy as he makes me. I hope that I can be as strong and supportive to him like he is to me. I cannot express how deep my love is for him. He is the best."

*"I read a wonderful talk by Elder Faust from this falls conference talk. He said that when we are faced with trials like mine that we can either be selfish or Godly. He said when we are selfish we are mad at God that he took our baby away and we are so focused on our pain and grief that we can't see or understand the Eternal aspect of the trial. If we try to be Godly in our trials, it's easier to see the blessings that our Father in Heaven has given us. Its easier to understand that we must follow Gods plan and not try to live by our own plan. I am trying so hard not to have a selfish attitude! I am trying so hard to have faith and believe in God that he is guiding and directing our life. I am tryng to see the blessings that have been given to Matt and I in this trial. We have been blessed with a beuatiful, perfect daughter that now is waiting for us in the celestial kingdom. We have been blessed with her spirit and what a strong spirit she has to help us remember that we need to endure to the end and have faith. We have been blessed with each other and now we have an even deepter love and bond than we ever had before. We have been blessed with the chance to continue our family."

*"My friend Lori at work said how amazing Courtney must be because even though she never took breath on this earth, she touched the life of so many people."

*"Now I hope that we all can endevor to keep her spirit alive in us. I hope that I can remember how much she has changed me spiritually and emotionally. I hope that her influence will never die in me. I need that influence to keep me going and to help me remember what it all was for."

*"The role of the mother is to sacrifice all that you have for your child. I can remember my mom buying us girls clothes and never buying for herself. She gave so that we could have what was popular at the time. As a mother, I too have had to sacrifice for my child. I had to sacrifice my dreams and desires so that she could move on to the Celestial kingdom. I have to put aside my selfishness to support her in her decision to be in the Celestial Kingdom."

*"So what do I do now? Keep going. I have to keep moving on. Take what is given to me and make the best of it. I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY."

Those are the best of what I got. I am so grateful for Courtney. She has CHANGED my life. I am a better person because of her. I am so grateful for a loving, supportive and caring family. You all are amazing examples to me. I love you all so much! I look forward to hearing your stories!

Love, Jen